There are two kinds of women in the world – those I can bang, and those I can’t.
My teammate’s sister?
She’s a can’t.
I moved in with her to protect her from a nasty ex, not to be the next guy in line.
She’s the brains.
I’m the brawn.
She’s the fruit.
I’m the sausage.
She talks too much.
I don’t talk at all, if I don’t have to.
Should be easy to resist her.
But every minute I spend with Felicity is another minute she gets under my skin. She makes me feel like something more than a dumb puckhead with a big Zamboni pony. And it’s getting harder to remember why I need to keep my hands to myself.

Beauty and the Beefcake is a vegan-friendly standalone romantic comedy featuring a hockey player whose vocabulary is the only thing smaller than a hockey puck, a book smart but aimless ventriloquist with too many voices in her head, a dilapidated old house that may or may not be haunted, and no cheating or cliffhangers.

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Pippa Grant is a stay-at-home mom and housewife who loves to escape into sexy, funny stories way more than she likes perpetually cleaning toothpaste out of sinks and off toilet handles. When she’s not reading, writing, sleeping, or trying to prepare her adorable demon spawn to be productive members of society, she’s fantasizing about chocolate chip cookies.

— Goodreads — Amazon — Facebook —

At first glance, this book is filled with possibly psychotic women who talk to themselves and empty headed hockey players that may or may not have stolen a monkey. But it is so much more than that. Ok, yes it is filled with craziness that sometimes had my head spinning trying to catch up with what was going on. Between Felicity the ventriloquist who doesn’t like the quiet so vents when she’s nervous or to fill the silence, and Ares the grunting hockey player that tries to keep everyone out by letting them think he’s an idiot, I was caught up in the world that Pippa Grant created.

Ares Berger had my heart from the first “moo” he said to confuse people. He walked in with a hurt ankle, and all he wanted to do was get back onto the ice. His teammate, Felicity’s brother, asked him to watch his sister. So he puts Felicity firmly in the “can’t touch” category even if he wants to. But all he knows is hockey and how to keep people out of his heart. So as much as his heart and his head are screaming that Felicity is his, he does his best to keep her far away from his monkey. *wink wink*

Felicity has sworn off guys because she has a tendency to choose the worst men. And then her brother, the goalie for the hockey team Ares plays on, sends them thousands of cookies with dicks on them. Yes, this was actually in the book. Do you see why I was cracking up the whole time? In between working to becoming a PT, venting at a comedy club on the weekends occasionally, and dealing with Gammy’s ghost, her mind and her heart are going a little crazy with Ares Berger living with her. And the more she gets to know him, the more she wants to know his monkey.

Felicity and Ares have more in common than they originally believe. And with Felicity feeling the need to fill the silence, she becomes attuned to Ares’ thoughts. With a grunt, she can tell what he wants to say. It becomes dangerous to both of their libidos and their hearts. Felicity starts to understand the silence, but she also sees Ares for more than the grunting oaf who says random things to throw people off. And Ares begins to see Felicity, and understand she has no idea what she’s doing with her life, despite having a high IQ and four degrees.

I loved these two so much. I’m not sure if it was because of the craziness or despite it, but I loved so much of this book. As my first Pippa Grant book, it was certainly a good one! I was smiling and laughing the whole time! Even when Gammy’s ghost freaked me out. The only reason I gave this 4 instead of 5 stars, was because sometimes the venting confused the hell out of me. But that’s totally me and my head not being able to keep up sometimes, with the voices and names.